Loving someone is always difficult, no matter who it is. However, when the person you love is used to being alone, things can be even harder.
A romantic relationship is the most intimate and personal relationship it is possible to have with someone. You have the chance to get to know a person to the very core of their being, which is something that is far harder to do if you’re not romantically involved with them. In order for the true potential of a relationship to be explored to its full depth, there needs to be a large amount of honesty, trust, respect, and love.
If a person isn’t used to being in a relationship, then they will find these things far harder to fully incorporate into the bond between themselves and their partner.
Someone that’s used to being on their own has certain barriers built up around their heart. They find it very difficult to let anyone close – they’re just not used to it. Letting their guard down isn’t something they do very often, so doing it in such a vulnerable way can seem like an extremely scary thing to do.
These barriers between their inner consciousness and the outside world form a part of the identity of a person used to being alone. They are a part of them. They’re as natural to them as fetching a stick is to a dog. A close, loving relationship means that these barriers have to come down, to some degree. This is something that people who aren’t used to doing so can find extremely difficult.
People used to being on their own can be distant, and hard to communicate with. They can be suspicious, cautious, and afraid to let anyone else close to their heart. They can be very emotional, and can easily become angry or worked up. This is a defense mechanism. They’re deeply afraid of getting hurt, so they react to something they feel is a threat to them with harsh words. They can lash out if they’re pushed too far too quickly.
They’re not used to sharing their personal space, both in their external life and in their thoughts and feelings, with anyone else. Doing this can be a very strange and unpleasant experience for people used to being on their own, because it’s so completely different to what they’re used to.
They’re used to being independent and handling their own business, so suddenly having another person who expects them to share all of the details of their life can be a very weird situation. They’re used to thinking through their options alone and making decisions more or less out of their own judgment, rather than having another person’s opinion on what they should do for so many of the situations they come across.
Loving someone who’s used to being on their own means being with someone who might not be used to the idea of compromising as much as is needed to maintain a strong healthy relationship. It means an adjustment period where the person works out a new balance in their life, where they have to re-assess things down to the finest details and build a worldview back up from scratch to accommodate another person.
Perhaps the hardest thing about loving someone that is used to being alone is accepting that they will take a long time to fully trust and become vulnerable with another person, because they can’t help but wonder what will happen if they let down all their barriers, let the other person in, and then one day that person breaks up with them and leaves them heartbroken.
So, when you’re in a relationship with someone who just isn’t used to being with anyone, remember that it will take a lot of time and a great deal of patience to reach the level of love, trust, and caring that it’s capable of having. Remember that it’s a bit like playing the relationship on ‘hard’ mode. But also remember that once they finally open their heart up to you fully, their heart is in your hands.