Loving You Hurt, And It Turned Me Into Someone I Don’t Recognize

When I look back at my time with you, it was so full of wonderful memories. I loved you more than I love the air I breathe, and I could have sworn we’d stay together for eternity. Perhaps that’s why the pain that I felt when it all ended was so overwhelming.

Being with you was a strange and beautiful time in my life. I wouldn’t give it up for the world, but loving you hurt, and it turned me into someone I don’t recognize.

You Were My Everything
You made every day feel like I was exactly where I should be in life. When we were together, I felt safe, warm, and protected. Truly, you brought out a sense of calm in me that I didn’t even know I could feel.

You were my home.

I did everything that I could to make you happy, to make you love me just a little bit more. Sometimes I wonder now if I had tried harder, would you still be here by my side. When you left, you told me that it wasn’t my fault, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt like I just wasn’t enough for you – not loving enough, not clever enough, not pretty enough.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake my love for you. Seeing happy couples holding hands on the street only reminded me of you and left me feeling desperate and alone. I felt so strongly for you that whenever I was alone, away from the noise of the world, you were all that I could think of.

I Shut The World Out
It was too hard to spend every waking moment wishing that you were still in my life. The only way I could find to have some peace once again was to pretend I didn’t care. I let myself turn cold and empty.

Romantic movies no longer made me smile or cry, our song playing on the radio didn’t make me feel anything.

I had turned my pain into a hollow nothingness just so that I could forget about you.

I’ve Changed
Loving you couldn’t last forever. I’ve moved on from the pain I felt and from my self-inflicted emptiness. Once I thought that I had finally managed to get you out of my head, I tried to find love again. Despite my efforts, however, it turns out that you were still very much on my mind.

I couldn’t find a real relationship. Every time I fought with someone I was seeing, it reminded me of an argument I had with you and I would run. Every time they said something that made me think of you, I would leave without turning back.

What’s worse than all of this, is every time I felt like I was falling in love again, I would shut those feelings out and retreat back to my loneliness.

I couldn’t feel safe anymore.

I’m Trying To Move On
What I need most right now, is to move on completely from you. I need to forget about the pain of losing you and let go of the paralyzing fear that creeps up in my new relationships. To do that, I need to learn to be alone.

The thought of being without someone else in my life terrifies me, but I know that it’s what I need to do. If I want to let go of the agony of losing you, I need to find out who I really am when I’m alone.

The first step I’m going to take on this journey is to thank you for everything you’ve given me. Thank you for teaching me love, for breaking my heart, and for showing me that I still have a lot to learn. Thank you for hurting me so that I could grow from it. I hope that one day, I will be so much stronger because of it.

Losing you was the hardest thing that’s ever happened it in my life. The ache I felt in my heart turned me into someone new, someone that I don’t like. Despite that, I hope to one day transform again and become someone better who I can be proud of. Although you hurt me, maybe losing you was what I needed.

To anyone who’s lost someone they love, know that you can get through this. It’s going to hurt for a long time, but you will end up so much stronger because of it.