I don’t want any family/friends seeing my post

I would like this posted anonymous please! I don’t want any family/friends seeing my post, I don’t need their input anymore. I’m not sure what to do. me and my now ex got pregnant and were so happy!

Then I found out he was cheating and lying about a lot of stuff. I kicked him out when I was 2 months pregnant. I went through everything without him, but I always wished he was by my side. he ended up moving 4 hours away. after my son was born, he was about 4 months old, we went to visit my dad and a few other family members. I went a different route home so I could stop by my ex’s and let him see my son. he ended up telling me he still loved me and wanted to work on things.

We left about an hour later. about 8 months later, just after my son’s birthday, he messaged me and said he wanted to come over, and get my son some birthday and Christmas presents. we talked for a couple weeks after I stopped by, then he blocked me and I found out he was married to some other girl and adopted a baby with her. then out of the blue is when he wanted to come by. he came, bought some stuff, was here for a couple hours then had to go back home. he told me he loved me again. I wanted it to work so bad, I never wanted a broken family, my parents are divorced, I didn’t want that for my kid.

So I wanted to believe him. we then talked for about a month then he stopped talking to me, blocked me, the whole deal all over again. about 5 months later, he messaged me again, I let him come over, I wanted my kid to have a dad! but once again, it only lasted less than a month. then I’m blocked again and he’s with some girl. my son just turned 2, his father has seen him twice, at 4ish months then right after he turned 1. I still hold onto hope that we can be a family, but at the same time, I hate his guts and don’t want my kid around him because I don’t want him in and out of his life. he’s never even paid for anything for my son, except the few gifts for his birthday/Christmas that 1 time.

Sorry, this is long, I just don’t know what to do! my ex before my son’s father is talking to me again. we were together for 4 years before I broke it off cause he had issues with my family. about 5ish months ago, he started talking to me again, we have talked every day since.

He was great, sweet, caring, responsible, everything I could’ve asked for, except he didn’t get along with the most important people in my life. well, he says he’s changed and will try harder with my family. he told me if he had it his way, we would already be married and starting a family. he tells me he loves me, in the 3 1/2 years that we’ve been apart, he hasn’t dated or anything.

He says I’m the only one. my issue is, I’m so scared of getting my heart broke again, I don’t know if I should give him and I another shot. he says he’ll treat my son like his own, he’ll be the dad he needs to be for him, all I have to do is say that’s what I want. I’m so lost.

I want a family, but I’m terrified! not only am I being held back by being scared, but I’m still holding onto hope for my son’s father. what happens when I’m with someone else and he contacts me and wants to be a family? what if he does change and we can be a family but we can’t because I chose a different guy?

sorry it’s so long, I just don’t know what to do! I don’t want to make the wrong decision for my son. thanks to anyone that takes the time to read this and respond! 😭